December
The old clock on your dining room wall’s been spinning out of control, running numbers together like watercolor paints or endless ticking marathons or whizzing grenades, in the second before contact. Lately houses feel too empty for everything we have been saying - though, on occasion, you are still capable of dreaming.
“Inside the many layers of a song, the sides of a cube and the probing, secretly deceiving eyes of a telescope, some idiot thinks they’ve seen the meaning of the entire world; that taste on their tongue, though, all it is is hypocrisy,” said some article from a pretentious literary magazine lying open on the counter. We could not be bothered to read it, so consumed with how perfect these theories of the world were. In the end, it only came down to one thing: Life sucks - oh yes, you’ll die. And all the romantic beliefs in the sky cannot equate that in any sufficient way.
But it doesn’t matter, does it? In the way that atheists see organized religion as ominous brainwashing cults and believers of higher powers view all the skeptics as pitiful, unsaved souls - as you’d put it. I hate the word objectivity and I never did trust you completely.
It comes down to one thing, but it splits into a million and seventy thousand paths along the way. We’ll get there.
I love this, you’re great :)
c-Drizzzzzz
This is not a human this is a critter.
You see, if I was a guy and I was sitting here with a cigarette in my hand grabbing my crotch and talking about how I make music because I like fast cars and fucking girls, you’d call me a rockstar. But when I do it in my music and in my videos, because I’m a female, because I make pop music, you are judgmental and you say that it is distracting. I’m just a rockstar.
— Lady Gaga
(via herpderp)
Ramapo High School Class of 2010-College Destinations.
This is the name of a Facebook group that I was invited to join today, and after reading the words, “It’s finally that time! Post where you’re definitely enrolling!” I don’t think I’ve ever been more freaked out in my entire life.
I think about it everyday, and nearly everyday I come close to tears at the mere thought of leaving. It’s funny because up until this year, I would be the first person to let the world know that I could not wait to leave this town, this school, these people. But recently, I’ve had a change of heart and although I still have several months, time is moving at a speed that is so beyond my control and I’m honestly scared.
On Saturday, one of the boys in my grade had a huge party after the state championship football game (which we won), and almost the entire grade was there. I had so much fun partying, laughing, taking pictures, and just being happy with people I’ve known for a huge chunk of my life; I never wanted the night to end. Before Saturday, I didn’t realize that some of the people I claimed to dislike are actually pretty awesome. I didn’t realize how many friends I really have and how many people I am so afraid of leaving behind. Sure, there were people there who I do not have respect for and don’t enjoy spending time with. There were people who are rude, obnoxious, and the alike, but if nothing else, they’re familiar. I’m afraid of the unknown and entering a world that is completely new to me. I’m afraid of losing my friends, my classmates, the people who have made me into who I am.
Caroline always tells me how jealous she is that I go to a “real high school,” you know, with a football field, boys, “real” high school parties (in comparison to Catholic school), and I don’t think I have ever really thought about how much I have taken that for granted. So many people will never experience what it is like for hundreds of different kids to come together, paint their faces, sport their green and white, and cheer at the top of their lungs in the freezing cold and snow to show their school spirit at a football game. We all talk about each other, we all have our enemies, but when it comes down to it, we all know how to be friends. And this is a closeness I don’t expect to find in college.
Aside from friends and familiarity, I am scared to death of leaving my family. The reality of the situation is that I’m moving out. After August, I no longer live at home, with my family. I will always consider this my home, but I won’t live here. It seems so insignificant, but I won’t know when my mom is baking cookies, or when my sister has a doctor’s appointment. I won’t know what time my dad gets home from work or when he has friends over. I won’t know every cute face my dogs make. I won’t know what is happening everyday in the lives of my family members, and that seems so, I don’t know, wrong. I’m going to have to be independent. I’m going to have to grow up.
With all of these thoughts flooding my mind, I know I’m going to have a really tough decision to make when May 1st rolls around. I’ve applied to two schools in NYC, my favorite place in the world, and although I’m strongly considering schools in Boston and one up in Canada, I might want to stay as close to home as possible. My education is important, but my mental health overrides that in every way.
At graduation, and during those last two weeks in August, I am going to be an emotional trainwreck. I hope these feelings of fear and insecurity fade and transition into feelings of excitement and confidence.
<3
I hope I marry someone who makes enough money to single-handedly support me and my family so I can be a full time volunteer of Make a Wish
CarolineeRooney @laurengilmartin i hope your husb makes enuf money to support us both.
Hosting SNL December 12th.
Why are we not dating yet?
